Good god, I haven't posted in this thing in awhile, but I keep on insisting on torturing myself and in turn you as well. >__<

Title: The LoveErmPloygon (The fact that there's an error in the title makes this real promising. :D)
Author Miscreant: Revan's split personality (Seriously, warning signs are so painfully obvious, but I did not turn away!)
Rating:
Rotten Piscus Juice (It hurts so bad. >__<)

Character's Name: Alexis
Species: Human Fanbrat-if this isn't a self-insertion, I don't know what is.
Hair Color: Not listed.
Eye Color: "blue"
Special Possessions: Tarot cards and pendant FUCKING A! STOP STEALING HITOMI'S THINGS ASSHATS!
Annoying Origin: I have no clue what hole she popped out from.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: It's only the first chapter, but reading the summary of "what happens when three friends are transported to a world called Gaea and all three have the hotts for about the same guys" makes me want to scream, "RUN VAN! RUN ALLEN! RUN DILANDAU! RUN FOLKEN! RUN MOLEMAN!"
Annoying Special Abilities: Using tarot cards, being rescued by Allen...yeah, I say kicking Hitomi out of her own series.
Other Annoying Traits: The most random inner monologue ever. Seriously. I think it's supposed to be funny, but eww.

There's two other Sues in here (her friends Cassy and Sandra) but I suspect their roles in the story won't become apparent until later. Oh goody. >>

Favorite parts from story:

“Right!” I pulled out my cellphone and called my mom. There was a short conversation that would have sounded something like this to a casual eavesdropper:

“ Hey mom, can I stay at Cassy’s tonight?…yes….yes…NO! Of course not! What am I, a whore? Well, yeah, but that's a moot point. Geez…yeah…and the toothpaste…in a bag…I don’t want toothpaste all over my bag!…Hmm?…Right…okay then…sure. And that one shirt too. The one with the picture on it. Yeah, that one….No, I have my tarot cards here, everything’s good…okay then….yep, meet us at Cassy’s house….okay…love you too, mom…bye!”

I looked at my friends. “Everything good to go?”


“Don’t you sometimes wish that there was another world out there you could just escape to sometimes?”

The stopped and looked at me.

“What are you smoking, crack? What could you possibly have to run away from?” Sandra asked, and eyebrow cocked in annoyance. I furrowed my eyebrows.

“Shut up! My life isn’t perfect, you know.”

“Right,” Cassy scoffed. “ Your parents buy you practically everything you want, and you’re one of the smartest people I know.”

“Not in calculus!” I retorted, sticking my tongue out at her as I began to walk again, realizing that the middle of a street wasn’t the best place to stop, especially considering the fact it was beginning to get dark.

“ ‘Oh no! I’m Alexis and I actually failed a quiz once in my life! Woe is me!’”

"OMG, liek that is so mean! Don't you know that I'm the quintessential mary Sue who looks to have a perfect life but really has a horrible one?!11" I scowled at Sandra. “Shut up!” She rolled her eyes in response.


“I didn’t know you had a pendant…let me see it.” Cassy held her hand out. I shrugged and plopped the pendant into her hand. She studied it carefully for a few minutes before handing it back. “That pendant seems to be powerful. It has a strong aura.” Dude, is there something in the water that is making the children in this neighborhood more aware to "auras", or are there secret remanants of a hippie faction?

“Okay then…” I was about to shove thing in my pocket, but decided to slip the slender silver chain around my neck instead. I held it up and looked at it. I wasn’t getting any ‘aura’ from it…but I knew I could trust Cassy’s judgement. “Hey, if this thing is powerful, I’m keeping it.” I slipped it into my shirt so it wouldn’t get caught on anything. I was paranoid about that kind of thing. I pulled out my tarot deck and did a few readings for my friends. I had just finished with Sandra’s ( I had already done Cassy’s), and was about to do mine, when Sandra went pale.

“Wait a minute…wasn’t my reading almost the exact same as Cassy’s?”

I thought for a moment. After she pointed it out, I realized it was true. I looked at her and shrugged. “Maybe you didn’t shuffle the cards well enough in your own little gibbled way.” I mimicked her shuffling by grabbing huge chunks of the cards and flopping it in front. She glared at me.

“Don’t make fun of my shuffling, okay?”

I chuckled as I did my own spread. I looked it over quickly and felt the blood drain from my face. “Holy crap…”

Sandra looked. “The cards…”

Cassy gasped. “They’re almost the exact same!”

I held up the Tower card. “Separation…from what, I wonder…” I didn’t bother to finish the reading, since I had just done it two times before, pretty much. Plus, the author probably doesn't know any other card but The Tower, the most overused card in Escaflowne fanfiction. I put my cards back in their case and shoved them in my bag. “We should sleep outside. It’s nice enough.” "And it's a plot point to get us transported." The other two agreed, obviously still spooked. Cassy wandered in to her house and came back out a few minutes later with her arms full of sleeping bags and pillows. We laid out our beds and hunkered down for a good night’s sleep…after talking for about three hours. I kept my bag close, and couldn’t shake the uneasy feeling I had as I fell asleep.


“OH MY GOD! IT’S EARTH!” I cried. Sure enough, hanging in the sky was the well-know moon, along with my planet. Where I am. Was. Should be. I sat down beneath a tree and pulled out my pendant. I stared at it long and hard.

“You better not have done this to me. I want to be your friend!” Pendant: Well F U 'cause I don't. Give me back to my real owner. I sat there for a few minutes when suddenly something grabbed my arm. I scared shitless as some mole-type person thing that was attached to the arm came out of the shadows and began to laugh. I tried to pull my arm out of its grasp while screaming bloody murder.

“DON’T TOUCH ME! HELLLP! RAAAAAAPE! RAAAAAAPE!” I liked to interrupt this rant to say that rape is not funny. The only reason you should snort at this line like I didis for the sheer idiocy.

The mole man used his girth to jerk me forwards. I lost what balance I had and he shoved me hard to the ground. I cried out in pain as the back of my head connected with something hard. I’m guessing it was a rock of some sort. Well, whatever it was, it was hard, and I hit it with the back of my head hard enough to make me lose consciousness. But it wasn’t a nice sort of consciousness-losing. Oh no. That would be too good for poor Alexis. And not good enough for the poor readers. No, I managed to stay conscious for a couple minutes, in extreme pain, trying to fight off the mole thing as it/he tried to rape me. (Okay, it turned out he was after the pendant, but it was creepy nonetheless.) Seriously, fanbrat, your way of writing is not funny, but just annoying. Stop it right now. I continued to scream as loud as I could until some random owl came out of nowhere and attacked the mole man’s face. I scrambled backwards as far as I could and watched as he pulled a shovel off his back and swung it around.


“You call this morning! What are you on, crack? It’s still dark out! It’s not morning, it’s night, and it shall remain night until morning, which is noon!” Another period of confused silence passes. I sighed again, rolling my eyes. “Good morning.” I said blankly. I thought for a moment before perking up. “Hey, got any chocolate?”

They all gave me confused looks. I felt my insides turn to ice. An intense feeling of dread and sadness welled up inside of me. “ Sandra always had chocolate for me to steal…and Cassy always had more chocolate for me to steal.” I got up and walked to the small, open window. I felt tears welling up in my eyes as I kneeled in front of the window, staring up at Earth. “ Chocolate…” I whimpered as I crossed my arms in front of me and laid my head down. I felt warm tears gently slide down my arm and sniffled a bit. I heard someone walk up beside me.

I...I want to cry now. This just...ugh I'm done, though I guess I'm forced to put the following part.


After breakfast, we were led to a nice little deck-type thing…can’t think of the word right now…and I sat at a small, round, wooden table across from Allen. The boy, who’s name turned out to be Van, stood a few feet away and glared at Allen. By that time I was quite video game deprived and had resorted to tracing the wood grain of the table with my finger and reciting random tidbits of information I had learned in my bio class under my breath.

“Look, I’m sorry I entered your country without permission,” Van began. His voice was calm, but you could sense the underlying anger. “ so give me back my guymelef, Escaflowne!” The anger had surfaced, rearing it’s ugly, bloated corpse-like head in a most angry manner of anger. Allen, who was sitting with an elbow on the table and his chin cradled in the palm of his hand, calmly looked at Van.

“And what will you do with your guymelef?”

Van closed his eyes, his brows knit with even more anger. Anger was flowing from this dude like water from a river. A large river. Not the polluted stream that runs down the gutters after a rainfall. That’s most definitely NOT a river. Where was I? Oh, yes…

...SERIOUSLY, DO I REALLY NEED TO SAY ANYTHING?! Nothing I could say could stress how pathetic and dumb this is.