Current mood:	nauseated
Current music:	In the Rough by Anna Nalick

One quick one for today; I was going to do a Gary Stu, but this one...this one....*violently shudders*

Title: Sister dear
Author Miscreant: Phoenix Tamer - I love the note in her info: Gender:Could be female could be male hell i could be both Trans-gender much?
Rating:
Rotten Piscus Juice (This is the lowest rating I can give it, but it's deserves so much less.)

Character's Name: Lily McKenzie (Wow, that's such a great Japanese name!)
Species: She's Van and Folken's...sister, so half-draconian?
Hair Color: "bluish/blackish hair"
Eye Color: "maroon"
Special Possessions: Special purple Dragonslayer armour of course!
Annoying Origin: Apparently Varie and Gaou had to have smoked something while copulating to create such a thingchild.
Annoying Connections To Canon Characters: Again, sister to Van and Folken, and the whorelove of the Dragonslayers.
Annoying Special Abilities: Turning Dilandau and the other Dragonslayers into raunchy teenagers whenever she's nearby.
Other Annoying Traits: Another Sue author that thinks making their Sue use the "f-word is so funny!!111" Though I do admit I snorted at the use of "CRAPFUCK!"

Favorite parts from story:
Disclaimer: If I owned Escaflowne, we’d see Dilly shirtless WAY more.

If you owned Escaflowne, I probably would weep for the death of my fandom.

Summary: What if Hitomi’s friend came with to Gaia after Hitomi was already there? What if she was Van and Folken’s sister? What if she became a Dragonslayer? What if Dilandau took a special interest in her?

What if I vomit right here, all over your story?

15-year-old Lily McKenzie was sitting on the bleachers by her schools track area. It had been a month since her best friend Hitomi Kanzaki had disappeared and since then she’d been getting memories of a two boys. One with black hair and maroon eyes and one with bluish/aqua hair and maroon eyes. They kept calling her their sister and Lily had a feeling that they weren’t lying. With her bluish/blackish hair and maroon eyes, she looked a lot like them.

Okay, SOMEONE needs a course in Biology here; It's quite unlikely that she would have a mixture of bluish/blackish hair, unless she dyed it. According to the Punnett's square, she would either have blue or black hair, most likely black, because that seems to be the dominant. Yes, mixture has been known to happen, but mostly in flowers and animals. But enough of the science lesson.

Everyone had given up looking for Hitomi. They all thought friend she was dead except Lily. She had the feeling that she would be seeing her real soon. Lily decided to go for a run around the track to take her mind off things.

Hitomi: Umm, I really don't see you visiting me soon. In fact I see you dying by Dilandau once you let go of his balls.

Van: Really? Do you really see her being dead?

Hitomi: *slumps* Do I ever have good visions Van?

Van: Damn.

Lily blinked repeatedly to make sure she wasn’t hallucinating. Nope he was real. She saw a name in her mind and decided to see if it was his. “ Folken?” she asked. The man blinked. “ You remember me?” he said, slightly surprised but mostly relieved. “ Well duh! You’re my onii-chan remember?” she said. Folken grinned. “ Take my hand,” he said. “ Um ok” Lily grabbed his hand and felt herself lifted of the ground. “ WHOA!” she exclaimed. “ Don’t worry, you’ll be fine. We’re just heading home.” “Home? As in Gaia?” she asked. “ Your memory is coming back faster then I thought.” Folken said. “ I don’t know whether to be offended or complimented” “ Be both” “ Alright”

Lily realized that they had touched solid ground. She looked around the room and noticed a boy around her age with silverish hair. “ Um Folken, where are we?” “ Lily that boy is Gatti. And Lily I’d like to welcome you to the Vione.”

I think we should all chip in and buy the Sue author a new keyboard with an Enter key that works all the time, not just some of the time.

“Vione?” Lily asked. “ Yes, it’s a hover ship and you’ll be staying here with me and my fellow Zaibacians. “ Alrighty then” Lily said. Gatti walked over and smiled at her. “ Hello Lily-sama. My name is Gatti and I’ll be you tour guide during your stay here.” He said bowing. “ Lily-sama?” “Yes, you see Folken-sama is our boss so to speak and since you’re his sister your given just as much respect” “ That’s great and all but I just want you to treat me like you would anyone else and just call me Lily.” Gatti grinned, “I think the other Dragonslayers will like you just as much as I do” “ Dragonslayers?” Lily asked. So Folken launched into the whole tale and by the time he was done Lily knew that Van was her brother and that Hitomi was there in Gaia as well. “ Gatti has Dilandau come back yet.” “Not yet sir but he’s expected to be back in around 10minutes.” “ Lily, I have to ask you something” “ Sure nii-chan, what is it?” “ Would you like to become a dragon Slayer? “ I’d love to Folken!”

Oh yes Folken you know the evil truth; even though she's been living on Earth all her life and would have no reason to be a trained warrior, she will make an excellent Dragonslayer because she is MARY SUUUEEE, err, LILLLY MCKENZIIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!!

Oh, and Folken saying "my fellow Zaibacians" makes me snigger.

Lily and Gatti were walking down the hall towards the training room where all the Dragonslayers were. Gatti opened the door and the two of them walked in. Everyone turned their heads towards the door. “ You guys this is Lily” Gatti said. All the guys ran over and introduced themselves. “ Hi I’m Chesta” a boy with a blond haircut in a bowl cut and blue eyes said. “ I’m Dallet,” a boy with chin length brown hair said. “ I’m Guimel” a boy with what could only be described as sheep hair said. “ I’m Viole” a boy with purplish hair tied back in a ponytail said. “And I’m Miguel” a boy with brown hair said. “ It’s nice to meet all of you” Lily replied brightly. They all just grinned ‘This chicks cute’ they thought.

Just then another soldier came through the door. “ Dilandau-sama’s here!” he exclaimed. All the boys in the room headed for the door. “ Lily come with me” Chesta said. “Ok…” was all she could say before they all went tearing down the hall.

They all arrived in the Guymelef hanger just as Dilandau landed. They all lined up with Lily in the back confused as he approached them. “ I’m hoping that your sword skills have improved since I left.” He said eyeing each one of them. “ Hai Dilandau-sama” they all replied in unison. “ Good” his ruby eyes caught sight of someone behind them. “ And whose this?” he asked walking towards Lily. Lily blinked. Was she supposed to fear him or something? Dilandau smirked as he noticed that she wasn’t trembling like other females would at the sight of him. ‘Either she’s extremely brave or extremely stupid’ he thought.

“ And who are you girl? Some whore for my men?” He asked. She glared evilly at him. He tried not to shudder. She had one mean glare. “ First of all my name ain’t girl, it’s Lily” Dilandau’s eyes widened. So this was Folken’s sister. ‘And Van’s’ he added as an afterthought. “ And secondly…I AIN’T NO GODDAMN MOTHER FING WHORE DUMBASS!” she yelled. Dilandau blinked. She sure had a mouth on her. “ Well you look like one,” he said. Lily’s whole demeanor changed from that of someone who was pissed to that of someone who was going to kill somebody. She twitched and the Dragonslayers backed away slowly. They had no intention of feeling her wrath (which they had heard of from Folken). Dilandau cursed silently at himself. ‘Kuso (1) now I’m in for it…BAKAYAROU (2)!’ he thought. “ What did you say?” she said, seemingly calm now. “ I said you look like a whore,” he said before cursing silently again. Next thing you know he’s on the ground with the wind knocked out of him. “ Watch your mouth next time bastard or I’ll light you on fire.” She said calmly. You see when Lily gets furiously mad or gangire(3), she’s calm and it’s scary. She also adored fire and destruction. Dilandau noted how her eyes shone with glee at the word fire.

You see when a Escaflowne Sue author wants to seem really cool, they throw in random Japanese words and it's stupid. They also adore canon rape and bad story structure.

“Alright then I’ll see you tomorrow then Dilandau-sama” she said exaggerating sama. He smirked at her as she walked away. She was quite a little spitfire. He couldn’t wait to train her “personally”. He grinned slightly at the perverted thoughts that went through his head (he is a hormonal teenage boy remember). “He watched her walk away. Her hips moved slightly and that skirt showed of her legs. ‘Dammnnnnn’ he thought. ‘I’m glad Folken can’t read my mind or I would be dead by now…’ Unbeknownst to him similar thoughts were going through his Dragonslayers heads, mainly Miguel and Gatti’s.

Did the author even watch Escaflowne? He is not a "hormonal teenage boy"; One: Dilandau is one of the most male chauvinstic characters, and would never have admiration for any woman. Besides, if he has any male urges, he has a strong right armand the Dragonslayers. Two: That is if he has male urges in the first place; no matter how much some Dilandau fangirls may hate it, Dilandau and Celena share the same body. Does it change from female to male? Maybe, but it's never really clearly explained, so it seems obvious that Dilandau's sex drive would be somewhat screwed.

Ha ha, screwed, I made a funny.

Just then Folken walked in. He blinked. And then he snorted. Then started to laugh hysterically. He thought it was just hilarious that they had tried to wake Lily up the normal way. After he stopped laughing he looked and started laughing again.

The Dragonslayers and Dilandau were in shock. Folken had just burst into hysterical laughter and their jaws were on the ground practically. They blinked. What the hell was going on?

Folken stopped laughing and made his way to Lily’s bathroom. When he came back out he had a cloth and a cup of cold water. He made his way over to Lily silently, dunked the cloth in the freezing cold water and whispered something in Lily’s ear. She shot straight up and Folken placed the cloth under her pillow(you’ll understand why in a sec) Lily groaned then glared at Folken and dove back down into the covers.

“ 5..4..3..2..1” Folken said just as Lily screamed bloody murder. “ CRAPFUCK!WHAT IN THE FUCKING HELL IS THAT!FOLKEN YOU FUCKING JACKASS DICKHEAD!I’M GOING TO FUCKING KILL YOU!” Lily dove out of bed and tackled Folken who’d been laughing hard. The others were just in shock at how much of a mouth she had and at how she managed to say the F-word around 4times in that sentence. Lily was on top of Folken(not like that you perverts!) and was bearing the shit out of him.

“YOU GODDAMN FUCKIING ASSHOLE! YOU GODDAMN FUCKING WELL THAT I’M NOT A FUCKING MORNING PERSON!I’M GONNE FUCKING BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU AND SEND YOU STRAIGHT TO FUCKING HELL!” she continued swearing and Dilandau and the Dragonslayers were surprised that Satan hadn’t changed religion with all the swearing she was doing.

Oh noessssss!! She's saying the f-wordddd!! She's so bad-ass!!!1111111

Lily blinked and looked towards the door. Standing there was a very slutty looking girl. She was wearing a sleeveless tight hot pink top that stopped like 2 inches from then area her breasts ended (Think of Loofah Pads top in Slayers the motion picture) and a Pair of VERY short black shorts that barely covered her butt. She was wearing a pair of black boots that had buckles along the side. She had blonde hair(no offense to blondes) that was in two pigtails, blue eyes and was wearing way to much makeup.

Lily decided to quote Dilandau “Who are you? A whore for these guys?” she said slightly disgusted at what she was wearing and also at the fact that these guys might actually sleep with whores that are on board. Especially Dilandau. ‘Where the hell did that come from?’ Lily thought. “ Nira(sry if that’s your name!) it’s ok. We’re just having a BIT OF FUN. Besides she’s my sister” Folken said calmly. “ But still, she shouldn’t swear” Nira said. “ And who the hell are you to tell me not to swear?” Lily snarled.

“I ‘m Folken’s girlfriend.” Nira said proudly. Lily looked down at Folken(She’s stillon him). He shook his head no. “Nira, I dated you briefly back when I was stupid” he said. “ We are no longer going out”. “ Oh yes I forgot! It’s Dilly-kins that I’m going out with.” Lily twitched for an unknown reason. “Oh really..” she said looking at Dilandau. He just shook his head no and mouthed ‘desperate’ to her. She giggled slightly.

“What are you giggling? You’re probably just another whore!” Nira exclaimed. Lily fixed Nira with a gaze that could make mountains crumble. Nira’s façade immediately melted and she visibly gulped. “ I am not whore you stupid slut. I’m a Dragonslayer” Lily growled. Dilandau made no move to correct her and say Dragonslayer in training. Nira gasped. “ No way! Girl’s aren’t allowed…” “Correction” Viole started. “ Whores aren’t allowed” Guimel finished.

Nira growled “ Exactly, so why is she allowed” It was Dilandau’s turn to speak. “Because number 1: Lily is NOT, I repeat NOT, a whore. Number two: She has all the qualifications that a Dragonslayer needs and number three; Because I said so” Lily grinned. She’d only known them for a short period of time and they were already close.

Aww, why are you defending her Dilandau? I want a Mary Sue Deathmatch! I DEMAND DEATHMATCH!

Gatti opened the door and they both walked in. Lily heard catcalls and whistles aimed at her as they walked by some of the older guys.“Hey Gatti! Where’d you find her? Tell me man cause I’m gonna go there a get one of them myself!” one guy yelled. “ Hey sweetheart! Got any friends as hot as you?” another asked. Lily glared. She was getting pissed off. Gatti frowned. “Guys she’s not a whore, she’s Folken-sama’s sister and she’s going to be a Dragonslayer soon.” Everyone in the room went silent “ Gomen-nasi Lily-chan!” they yelled. She giggled. “It’s ok you guys” The soldiers went back to what they weredoing but one kept his eyes on the girl without being noticed. ‘Lily, you belong to me’ he thought.

"It's ok you guys I don't mind men fawning over the totally awesome me as long as you know I'm Dilandau's twu luv!"

Soon Gatti and Lily had reached the training area door at the end of the room “Come on Lily. Dilandau-sama’s waiting” Gatti said. He opened the door and stepped in, Lily following suite. “We’re here Dilandau-sama” Gatti announced. All the Dragonslayers turned their heads towards the door and they had a similar reaction to Lily’s outfit as Gatti. “Whoa” Miguel said. “Yeah whoa….” Chesta and Viole mumbled. Dallet and Guimel were just in shock. Dilandau grinned. ‘Oh yeah!and I get to ‘personally train her too!Ha! In your face Van’ (He’s saying that because Lily is Van’s sister and he gets to train her while she’s wearing that. Make a little more sense?)

Eww no, why would Van want to train his sister looking like a slutsexpot?

“ A flamethrower?” He asked. “ Yeah. Incase of perverts!” Lily said as if it was obvious. “ Alright let’s starts with the katana’s” He said. “Ok Dilly!” she grinned. He looked at her. “Where did you come up with that nickname?”he asked. “ I derived it from Dilly-kins. You know the nickname that Nira gave you” Lily said sounding peeved. Dilandau grinned ‘So she’s jealous huh?’

“ Alright so how do you hold your katanas ?” he asked.Lily picked up the katanas and got into a fighting stance. Dilandau smirked. “ It’s almost perfect but your arms are leaving your stomach open. Here I’ll show you” he ran behind her and helped her out. Taking advantage of the moment, his hand “accidentally” slipped and landed on her ass.

“Dilandau get your hand away from my ass before you find my foot halfway up yours” Lily growled. “Why should I when I can just grab you from behind like this and render you harmless”he asked while grabbing her so she couldn’t move. “Eeeppp! Dilandau let go!” she squealed. Dilandau grinned and he lowered his head down to her ear. “ Only if you do something for me…” “What?” “Thr only way you’ll get out of this is if you kiss me….” “NANI!” Lily exclaimed. Dilandau’s grin only got bigger. “ You heard me” he said spinning her around. “ You have to kiss me. And I mean kiss me. Not a peck on the cheek or lip, you actually have to kiss me.” He stated.

"I figure if kissing you won't make me vomit, nothing will."

Lily gulped. ‘You know you want to kiss him’ she heard that damn little voice say. ‘I do not!’ ‘Right then way are you saying ok?’ It was then that Lily realized that she had just agreed to kiss him. Dilandau looked at her. “I’m no! No wait I mean yes! No wait I mean…uggghhhh! I don’t know what I mean….” Dilandau pouted (A/N awwwwww can you imagine Dilly pouting!) Lily giggled. “What’s so funny? You don’t like me cause you won’t kiss me!” he said in mock hurt. “You just look so cute when you pout!” she giggled again. Dilandau’s face lit up and he started twirling her around. “So you do like me!” he exclaimed. (Lily had dropped her katanas when Dilly had grabbed her from behind.) “Dilly put me down!” Dilandau plopped her down but didn’t let go of her. “You have to kiss me remember?” he said. Lily sighed. “Alright”

Lily’s heart was pounding in her chest. She was going to kiss him! She tilted her head up and leaned towards him. He tilted his head downwards and their lips met. It started off slow enough. Dilandau ran his tongue over her lips asking for entrance. She parted her lips and his tongue slipped into her mouth. She mimicked his movements and soon their tongues were battling. Dilandau’s hand moved from behind her neck to her hip and her hands wrapped themselves around his neck. They continued like that for a few minutes and finally they pulled away. “Was that good enough?” she asked. “I think I need another one” “Baka” Lily said bopping him lightly on the head.

And that little bop was enough to knock Dilandau back to his normal self, at which time he promptly ran his sword through her body. :)